I am Number 4 is a sci-fi / teen movie about a young man John Smith, played by Alex Pettyfer, that just happens to be from an alien planet. The basic premise of the movie centers around Smith being one of 9 ‘gifted’ survivors from his home world that have special powers. For this reason, a group of shark-looking bad guys (that just happen to be the same ones the destroy Smith’s home world) want to hunt down and kill these 9, as they apparently stand in the way of them now taking earth (every notice how aliens always want earth to themselves? Maybe we should all get out and enjoy it a bit more, just saying *Steps off soap box* ).

3 of the 9 have been killed and Smith is number 4 (for some reason the bad guys want to kill them in order….perhaps its extraterrestrial OCD or something). It’s certainly not a bad basis for a story but the problem is it’s so common place that it really needs to incorporate something unique or even just go directly for pure fun, otherwise it just pretty dressing wrapped over barebones. Unfortunately for the most part that seems to be as high as the people involved in this movie wanted to set the bar.

Pettyfer is passable as the lead character John Smith, but this is far from a break out role for a guy being deemed the next ‘it’ star in Hollywood. Dianna Agron plays the romantic interest for Pettyfer and the 2 manage enough chemistry between them to pull off the highly sought after emo-teen thing that Twilight has made so popular again, but its pretty formulaic. So much so that you don’t even really care if they end up together or not.

The only other notable cast member…..aside from an adorable puppy, is Timothy Olyphant, who plays Smith’s guardian. Olyphant is usually the best part of any movie he’s in (save for Live Free or Die Hard, but really, who can take a movie away from Bruce Willis…..save for a 9-year-old Haley Joel Osment). Olyphant does a good job in this movie to the point where you kind of want more of him and less of the leads. Delivers a good mix of comedic timing and action. Someone needs to give this guy a bigger role in a decent action franchise ( Hitman does NOT count).

The movie is not without its fun. There are some decent action scenes and special effects. There are also a few laughs scattered throughout as well. Certainly enough to make it enjoyable at least. But in the end, I am Number 4 feels more like an attempt to make a teen science fiction movie as opposed to actually feeling like a teen science fiction movie.

5 out of 10 Rhubarb Pies

Movie Reviews

The Green Hornet is the newest super hero themed movie to hit the big screen. It also tries to capitalize on the 3D fade that seems to be incorporated into pretty much every movie lately ( the King’s Speech in 3D was mind blowing).  The movie is an adaption from the old Green Hornet TV show, which was itself originally a radio show. The plot revolves around rich Newspaper owner Britt Reid ( Seth Rogen) and his alter ego the Green Hornet who, along with his side-kick Kato are a crime fighting duo that actually pose as criminals themselves.Its actually a pretty interesting take on the hero genre. While the general idea and story itself are pretty solid, the Green Hornet falls victim to a few glaring problems.

Seth Rogen is great. He’s one of the most bankable guys in movies right now. A while he isn’t offensively bad in this movie, he simply is horribly miscast. Its kind of like casting Michael Cera in a remake of Rambo. Just doesn’t fit.

The writing duo of Rogen and Evan Goldberg are normally money in the bank, but again it’s a case of not a proper fit. The movie seemed to be unsure of whether it was suppose to be over the top ridiculous and rude ( like Superbad or Pineapple Express) or serious and action packed with funny thrown in ( like Iron Man Spider-Man). The result was something that was kind of in between , but far less that either.

Christoph Waltz, who was amazing in Inglorious Basterds, plays Chudnofsky, the villain of the film. However, much the same as the rest of the movie, it was unclear if he was suppose to be serious or not. It appeared as though he was probably supposed to be humorous, but just failed at it, instead just making it awkward. This guy can play scary with the best of them, and really should have been let loose to do just that.

That isn’t to say the movie wasn’t without some really good stuff as well. Jay Chou is awesome as Kato, bring the action level to where it needs to be for such a film. There are a lot of cool gadgets and explosions, all of which give the movie plenty of entertainment and fun, which is really what its all about. If anyone went into the Green Hornet and came out with the compliant it was ‘silly’ chances are they made a wrong turn and should have went to see The Kings Speech (in 3D of course).

The Green Hornet isn’t exactly memorable, but it is fun at times. 6 out of 10.

PLEASE NOTE, the King’s Speech is not available in 3D to the best of my knowledge…yet

Movie Reviews

The Dilemma is a return to comedy for director Ron Howard, who mostly has been keeping busy making oscar-caliber films for the past few years. Teamed with the comedic duo of Vince Vaughn and Kevin James you’d expect a pretty good return, but for the most part The Dilemma falls short. While Vince Vaughn manages to bring a fair bit of his comedic style to the movie, its just more of the same character he plays in most of these films. Slick talking, occasionally hyper guy with a temper and dry, passive/aggressive wit. Kevin James is pretty funny on tv but for some reason it just doesn’t seem to translate to film to well.The movie would have benefited from a better pairing to complement Vaughn.

The premise is pretty direct. Guy find out his best friends wife has been cheating, struggles to find the best way to tell him, ‘hilarity’ ensues. While perfectly entertaining, there just isn’t much done in the movie. All the laughs are dependent upon Vaughn’s delivery, which no matter how good, grow stale after so long ( especially if you’ve seen him in any other comedy he’s done).

Queen Latifah is also in this movie….I still don’t know why. She appears to have been meant to be the wacky, odd-ball character that pops up from time to time for a laugh or to throw a bit of wild humor into the mix. Only problem is that role usually requires a pretty skilled comedy character actor, which she is not. In fact, she creates a really uncomfortable, awkward tension whenever she’s on screen. She is a decent actor, but really struggles in this role.

There isn’t much to be said about The Dilemma. There was loads of potential, but largely it went unused.

5.5 out of 10.



Movie Reviews

Teen movies have fallen off a great deal since their hay-days in the 1980’s. Most movies released that deal with teens are either horribly stereotypical or just painful low-brow non-sense.  A while there have been some good teens movies over the past 25 years or so, such as the first American Pie movie,  Napoleon Dynamite, and Superbad, these movies weren’t so much centered around teenagers as they were starting teenagers ( or more accurately 20-somethings playing the roles of teenagers). And While Easy A certainly isn’t in the same league as many of those great 80’s movies, it is surprisingly one of the better ones to come along in the past couple of decades.

Sort of a take-off on the theme behind A Scarlet Letter, Easy A is about a teenage wallflower Olive, played by Emma Stone, that gains sudden notoriety when a unintentionally self-started rumor begins to circulate that she’s had sex with some college guy. The story follows along as she builds more and more onto this rumor by allowing the various ‘down-and-outs’ to claim they too, have had some sort of contact with her.  It’s actually a very interesting look at just how petty and tough high school can be (and a reminder for those of us that might be just far enough removed to have forgotten).

While the movie is a comedy, and a pretty funny one at that, it also makes a point of trying to connect with a teenage audience.  The reason movies like The Breakfast Club and 16 Candles are still popular today is that they had an understanding for what it’s like to be that age, and didn’t treat the characters (or audience) like old kids, but rather young adults which, despite the vast array of stupid haircuts and 3-sizes-too-big pants on display everytime you go to the mall, is probably a much more accurate way to view the majority of teenagers.  Easy A attempts to do the same thing. The lead character of Olive isn’t comedic-level clumsy, she isn’t super boy-crazy, nor is she constantly complaining that no one understands her and treating her life like it’s the single greatest tragedy to ever occur. She’s simply a sarcastic smart-ass, which is probably the most identifiable role you can have in a teenage movie.

Emma Stone’s run at this character is easily the element that puts the movie over the top. Her comedic timing and awareness really power the majority of the humour in the movie.  Stone is able to solicit laughs with little more than a well-placed facial expression at times.  The parents are also amazing characters in the movie, played by Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson. Again breaking from the standard movie line, the parents aren’t the bad guys or obstacles in the way of fun, but rather just parents. In this case, sarcastic and funny, as it is a comedy movie.  Thomas Haden Church plays Mr. Griffith, the favorite teacher, and does it with the same ultra dry humor that he brings to most roles.

Easy A is a nice reminder of how good teen-movies can really be. While it isn’t at the same level of the various John Hughes classics, it certainly has a similar feel to it.  It also does a nice job of overtly mentioning some of these classic movies as well. And while it’s arguable more directed at girls its appeal is large enough that anyone can enjoy it.

7.5 out of 10 .

Andy Porter

Movie Reviews

Resident Evil : Afterlife is the 4^th film in the zombie/video game-turned movie franchise, and like so many movies lately, has looked to 3D to give it a shot in the arm.  But unlike most movies utilizing the gimmicky trend, Resident Evil 4 actually uses it to bump up the fun factor, and does a surprisingly good job of it.  Fans of zombie movies may feel a bit jilted by this movie, as its really more of a monster movie than a tale of the walking undead,  but semantics aside, it manages to be a pretty fun and entertaining horror-esgue movie.

Fans of the game series will notice that is gets back a bit more to the roots of the original story line, which is only really notable because the story line for the games is far more solid than the movies have been able to provide. But either way, this movie isn’t exactly plot driven.  While the story is certainly good enough  to get from A to B without boring people, this movie relies more on the 3D effects playing with the audience and some decently impressive action sequences to keep the viewers entertained.

While 3D blood and gore flying off the screen is great fun ( and this is some of the best 3D to date, with people in the theater actually trying to clear zombie bits off their glasses…no joke) this film could have benefited from a bit more focus towards suspense and a few good old fashion ‘jumpy’ scenes.  It’s usually a common mistake for modern horror movies to rely too heavily on the standard quiet-scene-followed-by-a-sudden-loud-noise, but  the occasional one here and there throughout is not only a bad thing, but almost a requirement. This film was sorely lacking in the chills and thrills department.

Milla Jovovich does a respectable job with her 4^th go around with the character of Alice. While certainly nothing award-worthy, she does a decent job with the femme-fatale role.  Ali Larter does an adequate job with her character, Clair, and  Wentworth Miller does his best Dean Winchester impersonation to play his character of Chris.

Resident Evil : Afterlife is a pretty fun movie with some great 3D effects, but far to light on the horror aspect that a zombie  (or monster) movie should inherently provide.

6 out of 10.

Andy Porter

Movie Reviews, Uncategorized

The American is a perfect example of how truly difficult it can be to make a good movie.  Movies are so complex and require so many different elements be included and done well that simply having one or 2 top notch components isn’t enough to make a movie good.  While The American has a absolutely great story, along with strong acting, it fails horribly when it comes to telling that story.

Centered around George Clooney’s character Jack the film tells the story of an assassin tired of the profession and on one last assignment in Italy before retiring. The movie has a very intriguing story of how difficult it is to leave that particular life, and the many dangers that would come with it. And while there are a few very good moments of suspense and a considerable amount of mystery about what exactly is happening, the overall pacing of the movie is brutally slow and needless. Slow playing for dramatic affect or to build suspense is one thing but this movie far exceeds these limits and pushed far into the realm of just plain boring.

Clooney does a very admirable job portraying the emotional baggage a life of an assassin would presumably leave on a person and brings his usually high level of talent. But strong acting is nearly enough to snap the audience out of its comatose state.  Along with Clooney, Paolo Bonacelli does a great job as Father Benedetto and deserves some mention, if for no other reason than being the least boring thing in the entire movie.

There isn’t much to be said about The American. Good idea, poor execution.  The result of which is a great story wrapped in a boring celluloid shell.

4.5 out of 10.

Andy Porter

Uncategorized

Robert Rodriquez’s latest film, Machete, has some pretty humble roots, having actually started out as a ‘fake’ trailer during the intermission of the Quentin Tarantino/ Robert Rodriquez experience ‘Grindhouse’. The trailer, like everything else associated with Grindhouse, was gloriously over-the-top and excessive. A nice throw-back to the films of the 70s that inspired the entire event. The preview for this non-existent movie was actually so good and captivating that demand quickly grew to see Machete.  Fast-forward 3 years and Machete is a very much real, full length movie.

Machete is the story of an ex-federale agent and his path of vengeance. Fitting for a film paying homage to exploitive and shock-value films of the 70s, as the old ‘path of vengeance’ story line was pretty much the backbone of all of those movies. While the plot isn’t the driving force behind this movie, it does manage to incorporate a bit intrigue into the mix. It’s not the most original or creative story-telling, nor is it intended to be, but it’s at least thought-out enough that the path from A to B is entertaining.

While for the most part it’s largely pure entertainment, Machete does get political at times oddly enough, occasionally boarding on outright propaganda. The movie’s central theme of illegal immigration is really rammed down the movie-goers throats at times, to the point where the story almost seems placed on hold at times just to get a certain point across.

The acting is surprisingly pretty strong, save for the lead role of Machete, played by Danny Trejo. And even Trejo’s lack of acting skills are actually pretty well hidden throughout the movie, even occasionally used for comedic intent. After years of working together its clear Rodriquez knows how to use his long-time friend to the best of his limited abilities. Jessica Alba plays an immigration officer on the trail of the vigilante She’, played by Michelle Rodriquez. Both do a good job portraying opposing sides of the immigration conflict.

But the real stars of this movie are the bad guys. Robert Deniro is good as the Senator, finding a nice balance between the bumbling idiot hick and sadistic cut-throat stereotypes usually associated with southern politicians. Jeff Fahey portrays Booth, a slimy PR adviser and general cold-hearted business type. Don Johnson plays a vigilante tasking himself with protecting the American/Mexican board by any means he sees fit. Johnson does a great job playing the nearly unemotional character of Stillman, bringing a really great creep-factor to the role. Steve Segal plays the ultra cold Torrez, the head bad-guy of the movie.  Segal is actual a great fit for a villain. He brings a smooth, cocky, and undeserved sense of arrogance to the character. He’s sort of an oddball villain, but it really works for this movie.

Machete is a fun, over-the-top movie that occasionally goes a bit too far over the line into the ridiculous at times, and other times is a bit too bogged down with its message on the immigration issue in the USA.

6.5 out of 10

Movie Reviews

It is not often that a movie is so offensively bad that it causes actual physical illness, yet this is the exact reaction one can expect from GregPike.ca. The central idea of the movie revolves around the current fad that is the internet (or ‘the web’ as it’s known to younger people).

The film follows the exploits of a young internet page-maker, Greg Pike, and the obstacles he faces in his attempt to build the city’s most expansive web site for the gifted procrastinator.

The worst part is this Greg Pike actually thinks people give a damn about his website.

The audience is meant to really get behind the protagonist but the actor does such a terrible job of playing Greg Pike that one can’t help but dislike the guy.

It’s clear the actor playing Greg Pike has no real sense of the role he’s playing. This is a role that would have been much better served by someone such as Topher Grace or Michael Cera (or that other kid that plays the roles Michael Cera isn’t able to fit in… Jessie something-or-other).

I can honestly say I would not be friends with this type of person in real life.

The rest of the cast does their best with what they are given, but one bright spot shines above the rest. The work of Mark Webber in this film is inspirational. Playing the cocky JT character, Webber really steals the movie. I’d really like to see this guy in some type of action or even buddy-cop film… perhaps with some form of facial hair?

I won’t go so far as to say GregPike.ca has destroyed my faith in movies but from now on, I’ll stick to the book version.

Yes. That’s how bad it is. I’m joining a book club.

-3 out of 10

PS: If you haven’t seen the trailer, don’t. But just in case you feel so inclined, here it is:

Andy Porter

GregPike.ca, Movie Reviews GregPike.ca, The Social Network

The recent surge in 3-D movies has had somewhat of a polarizing effect on movie-goers. Many think it is the next step in the movie-watching experience and feel that every movie should (and will be) 3-D. Others find it annoying and view it a nothing more an a gimmicky fad that will peak then quickly die off…..kind of the same way 3-D movies did back in the late 70s/early 80s. 3D is a fine enough fixture for SOME movies, provided it plays up that angle with the audience. Otherwise why the heck would it need to be in 3D? Piranha seems to have been made people that feel the same way, as this is a movie 100% made for 3D fans.

Piranha isn’t so much a movie as it is a piece 3D entertainment. It’s heavily reliant on the constant bombardment of various things flying out of the screen at the viewer. But here’s the problem: It wasn’t in 3D. Not really. While the screen was blurry without the glasses on and clear as a bell with them, the vast majority of the time the full 3D effect wasn’t there. Things flew towards the screen, but rarely ‘out of’ the screen. Several scenes passed, with shots clearly intended to capitalize on the 3D effect, with no result. If it hadn’t been for the 6 or 7 actual 3D imagines that somehow sneaked into the movie I would have assumed a defective pair of glasses or some newly developed eye condition were to blame. It was so confusing that I had to confirm with other people in the theater after the movie was over, all of whom agreed things that seemed intended to be 3D simply weren’t.

Regardless of the reasoning, Piranha 3D certainly suffers with the 3D removed. The movie is so heavily focused on the 3D-based gags of having stuff fly out of the screen or zip right by the viewers face that there isn’t really much effort put into the story…or the dialogue….or the acting. So when that element of the movie is removed it all basically falls apart. Its a movie centered around a fun gimmick, which is fine and the basic attraction to the movie to begin with, but without that crutch it really isn’t even watchable.

The acting doesn’t keep the movie afloat either, no pun intended…okay, maybe  a little intended. Jerry O’Connell does a pretty good job as the cocky idiot character, which is right in his wheel-house, and even manages to pull a few laughs out of a scrip that was clearly (and probably rightfully so) focused more on the ‘gag’ side of things as opposed to actual dialogue. Elizabeth Shue does a decent job and Ving Rhames adequately plays the one character he plays in every movie he’s in.  Adam Scott ( probably best known as the arrogant brother of Will Ferrell in Step Brothers) actually comes across as someone that could be a decent addition in an action movie, doing a nice job with the very limited role he’s given. After this however, the acting quality really drops off.

The young ‘lead’ character of  Jake Forester is played by Steven R. McQueen, who has about as much charm and charisma as a glass of milk. Skim milk at that.  The object of Jake’s affection , Kelly, is played by Jessica Szohr, who is equally bad. From here the remaining cast is filled out by a model turn-actor, a porn-star, and 2 horrible child actors. There are some pretty cool cameos in movie, but again, without the distracting influence of that longed-for 3D effect, these cameos just serve as reminds of what actual actors are like in movies.

It is totally unfair to judge a movie like Piranha 3D viewed in anything but 3D. It is not a movie that is simply cooler with it, but rather totally and completely depended upon and tailor made for it.  And the movie certainly appeared as though it would have been extremely fun had that 3rd dimension in viewing been there. A lot of fun. But whether it is due to a failure in the production of the movie or some type of malfunction with the projectors of the theater the movie’s 3D capabilities were seriously flawed, leaving Piranha as little more than a bad, but not horrible movie that goes a bit over the top with the surplus of gore and nudity ( yeah, who would have thought that was actually even possible?).

4.5 out of 10

(with potential to be a 7 out of 10 if viewed properly)

Andy Porter

Movie Reviews 3D, Piranha

Back in 2008 while promoting “Live Free or Die Hard” a rather rude interviewer asked Bruce Willis if he felt it was a bit silly that actors such as himself and 80s-action icons were back doing action movies now that they were ‘advancing in age’. Willis, who is known for being one of the smoothest and coolest actors around, just grinned at the guy and in a very dismissive fashion stated : “if these newer guys could do it right we wouldn’t have to come back and show ‘em how its really done”.  Like everything in life, if you want something done right, you get the right people for the job. And when it comes to actions movies, there are few people better suited for that job that Sylvester Stallone.

Stallone brings action back to its glorious 80s roots in The Expendables. This movie is the definition of ‘action-packed’. The explosions are massive and frequent, the guns are over-sized and loud, and the body count is too numerous to tally. Continuing along the action-movie check-list, there are plenty of great, cheesy lines, delivered perfectly with tongue planted firmly in check. Some occasional miss the mark giving a real ‘groan’ moment but it really is a situation where the good far out weighs the bad.

The collection of actors in this movie reads like a who’s who in the action movie catalog. Starting with Stallone and Jason Statham as the lead duo of the Expendable group. The back and forth between Stallone’s Barney Ross character and Statham’s Lee Christmas really powers the movie whenever things aren’t blowing up.  Classic action stars like Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren are paired with relatively new additions to the action genre such as Terry Crews, wrestler-turned actor (Steve Austin), and a MMA legend turn-actor (Randy Couture) making the movie more than adequately set for the action side of things.

Aside from the obivous action requirment, the cast all do a good jobs in their respective roles. In particular Li is used well for a bit of comedic relief when he isn’t moving at near mach speed in some crazy action sequence. Micky Rouke is thrown in not so much for his action cv but rather simply because the guy can act. He’s the perfect fit as the the character ‘Tool’, who’s basically the Bosley-type character that brokers the various contracts out to The Expendables. Eric Roberts does a good job in the bad-guy role of James Munroe,  making the character so cocky and dislikeable that you find yourself fighting the urge to get up and punch the screen whenever his face is displayed. Cameo’s by action legends Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are just icing on the cake.

The fighting scenes deserve special mention. While there is plenty of top-notch explosions and cool looking vechicals and guns, the fighting in this movie is what puts it over the top. Ever fight scene is perfectly done, playing to the strength of the actors involved. You want to see Stallone in a knock-down drag-em out fight? Done. Want to see Statham masterfully take on a group of punks and beat the tar out of them will having the same cool expression on his face the whole time? Done. Jet Li kicking someone 80 times in 1 second and flying around like a monkey? Dolph Lundgren as a powerhouse brute? Couture doing MMA moves? Austin brawling? Done. Fans of the violence in some of the more hardcore 80s action movies well appreicate these fights, as some of them are just plain graphic.

The Expendables is 100% as packaged: Great retro action movie entertainment. Action-packed, funny, exciting, and most importantly, fun.  Simply put, this is how actions movies are meant to be.

8 out of 10

Movie Reviews The Expendables