Bob stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start his back swing..
Finally his exasperated partner asked, ‘What in the world is taking so long?’
‘My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,’ Sam explained. ‘I want to make a perfect shot.’
His companion said, ‘You don’t have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.’
Topless Robot held a contest for who could write the best Star Wars Haiku. There were lots of good ones (apparently 1000) but here are some of my favorites.
The winner:
Boba friggin Fett.
Mandalorean pimp king.
Bogeys the sandtrap.- Spazweez
My personal favorite:
My name is Chewie.
You can stop this contest now.
Let the Wookiee win.
Some other good ones:
- Quixotico
Luke has two natures.
A crack shot destroys Death Stars,
But those poor womp rats.- MaxtotheMax
Little beeping droid
Flew like a leaf on the wind
Probably swearing- Rosemary
Check out the complete list below.
From Topless Robot: Star Wars Haiku: And the Winners Are…
Hiccups are essentially an uncontrollable spasm of the diaphragm which are usually caused by a nerve in your neck portion of the spine. From my readings I’ve deduced that this nerve reacts when it becomes overwhelmed to produce what we know as hiccups.
In addition to any deseases or lesions known to produce hiccups, they can be caused by stomach acid moving into the esophagus or simply certain foods reacting the wrong way. And let’s not forget alcohol’s effect after excessive drinking. Too much alcohol can bring damage to the food pipe, making it easy to irritate the esophagus and the stomach.
You’re probably wondering why we have hiccups. Do they serve a purpose. As far as we know, no. They are completely useless.
How to get rid of hiccups
Anecdotally I can say the best way to get rid of hiccups is to hold your breath, but keep your tongue from pressing against the roof of your month. Psychologically it keeps your mind from the hiccups because you on concentrating on your tongue and physically you are increasing CO2 in your bloodstream forcing your body to become preoccupied with fixing it.
Sweeten the Hiccups
Overloading the nerve endings in the mouth with a sweet sensation may do the trick. Have a teaspoonful of sugar, and if you can, place the sugar on the back of the tongue, where “sour” is tasted. This way, the sugar overload will pack the most punch.
Play “Hear no Evil”
Some doctors recommend that you put your fingers in your ears to stop hiccups. The branches of the vagus nerve also reach into the auditory system, and by stimulating the nerve endings there, the vagus nerve goes into action. But be gentle, and don’t stick your fingers too far into your ears.
Get Scared Silly
Having someone surprise you can overwhelm the vagus nerve and put an end to hiccups.
Drink Water
Swallowing water interrupts the hiccupping cycle, which can quiet the nerves. Gargling with water may also have the same effect.
Pull on Your Tongue
Sticking out your tongue and yanking on it may stop hiccups.
Tickle Them Away
Tickling the soft palate of the roof of your mouth with a cotton swab may do the trick. Or, if you’re the type who enjoys getting tickled, have someone find your ticklish spots.
Hold Your Breath
Hold your nose and close your mouth–the way you would when you’re ready to jump into a pool–for as long as you can or until you sense that the hiccups are gone.
Bag Those Hiccups
The old standby, breathing into a paper bag, is believed to work on the same principle as the breath-holding method. Both increase the amount of carbon dioxide in the bloodstream, and the body becomes preoccupied with getting rid of it and forgets about the hiccups.
Take an Antacid
This method may be more effective if you choose one that contains magnesium, since the mineral tends to decrease irritation and quiet the nerves. One or two tablets should take care of hiccups.
Don’t Pig Out
Overloading the stomach with food is another cause of hiccups. Some experts theorize that hiccups are your body’s way of telling you to quit eating so your digestive system has time to process all the food you’ve forced down your gullet.
Eat Slower
If you eat fast, you are probably not chewing food thoroughly, which seems to cause hiccups. And rapid-fire feeding causes air to get trapped between pieces of food, which may set off the vagus nerve. Chew deliberately and take smaller sips of drinks to keep your air intake to a minimum.
Avoid Spicy Foods
Some spices can irritate the lining of the esophagus and stomach. At the same time, they can also cause acid from the stomach to leak into the esophagus. The extra acid can bring on hiccups.
Drink in Moderation
Like spices, alcoholic beverages can cause a simultaneous irritation of the esophagus and the stomach. And over time, excessive drinking can damage the lining of the food pipe. Parties, like the kind some college students attend, where people are sometimes dared to consume a lot of alcohol as quickly as possible, can lead to acute ingestion. The digestive system not only becomes irritated by the alcohol, but big gulps of it cause the esophagus to expand rapidly, resulting in hiccups.
I also heard of this one guy who swears by swallowing a big mouthful of peanut butter. Sounds pretty gross to me but he says it works every time.
From wiseGEEK: What Causes Hiccups?
From Scientific American: What Causes Hiccups?
From HowStuffWorks: 13 Techniques to Cure Hiccups
The Scope recently released this great article to help people figure out what ward they are in and who is running in their ward.
From The Scope: What ward am I in?