It is not often that a movie is so offensively bad that it causes actual physical illness, yet this is the exact reaction one can expect from GregPike.ca. The central idea of the movie revolves around the current fad that is the internet (or ‘the web’ as it’s known to younger people).

The film follows the exploits of a young internet page-maker, Greg Pike, and the obstacles he faces in his attempt to build the city’s most expansive web site for the gifted procrastinator. The worst part is this Greg Pike actually thinks people give a damn about his website.

The audience is meant to really get behind the protagonist but the actor does such a terrible job of playing Greg Pike that one can’t help but dislike the guy.

It’s clear the actor playing Greg Pike has no real sense of the role he’s playing. This is a role that would have been much better served by someone such as Topher Grace or Michael Cera (or that other kid that plays the roles Michael Cera isn’t able to fit in….Jessie something-or-other).

I can honestly say I would not be friends with this type of person in real life.

The rest of the cast does their best with what they are given, but one bright spot shines above the rest. The work of Mark Webber in this film is inspirational. Playing the cocky JT character, Webber really steals the movie. I’d really like to see this guy in some type of action or even buddy-cop film… perhaps with some form of facial hair?

I won’t go so far as to say GregPike.ca has destroyed my faith in movies but from now on, I’ll stick to the book version.

Yes. That’s how bad it is. I’m joining a book club.

-3 out of 10

PS: If you haven’t seen the trailer, don’t. But just in case you feel so inclined, here it is:

httpvhd://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IddNu4Yr4Zg

Andy Porter

Andy GregPike.ca, Movie Reviews GregPike.ca, The Social Network

It’s no secret I love the Leafs. This trailer got me a little pumped for the upcoming season, I got to say.

The music is from call Mind Heist by Zach Hemsey from the Inception trailer.

Gregory Videos Inception, Toronto Maple Leafs

Microsoft has recruited the man from our beloved Double Rainbow YouTube Video for their latest commercial.

They created an ad showcasing their Windows Live Photo Gallery’s adjacent photo connector feature to capture the Rainbow all the way across the sky.

This ad is full on.

From AllTop: Microsoft recruits “double rainbow guy” for new ad [video]

Gregory Commercial, Videos Double Rainbow, Microsoft, Windows Live Photo Gallery

Google’s Gmail is renown for its incredibly intuitive spam filter, that never seems to snag your personal mail and keep your inbox free of bologna.

Well they’ve adaptated that system for detecting important emails. This cute video shows you how.

Thanks for the find Dave Lane.

Gregory Commercial, The Web, Videos Gmail, Google, Priority Inbox

I know this came out ages ago, but I only just discovered it and I thought it was fun.

I guess United was trying to counter David Carroll’s United Breaks Guitars.

Gregory Comedy, Videos 300, Parody, United Airlines

As many have you read in my previous post Tractors on the Highway I had a windshield with two minor nicks and one real bad crack.

My father, who works in the glass industry, recommended Apple Auto Glass on Topsail Rd. Now I’m recommending them to you.

There service was great and they had my vehicle road-worthy in only a couple of hours.

To top it off, they left me with a nice little Apple air freshener for my car as well as an Apple notepad. Such a small gesture made me feel appreciated and like I came out on the winning side of that deal.

And the worksmenship was flawless. I couldn’t even tell it wasn’t my old windshield.

When I got to my car, however, there was a gift left on my windshield from some of my sea gull friends in the area. Not as new and pristine as I was hoping for, but I can hardly blame Apple for that.

Gregory Service Apple Auto Glass, Mount Pearl

I have always had a little pet peeve when it comes to tractors on the highway. I’m mostly referring to front-loaders* and dump trucks, because I pass them every day.

Yesterday while driving to work I was coming up on a dump truck. Not wanting to drive behind because of previous bad experiences (a rock flew up and cracked my windshield on two separate occasions) I began to over take him.

Then I heard a sound I could only describe as a meteor bursting through my car.

It was a rock. And it came from under the dump truck.

Note: This isn't my windshield. I brought my car in to be fixed before I could take a picture.

That’s 3  cracks on my windshield from rocks on the ground that fly up as dump trucks run over them.

The first couple of cracks I chalked up to bad luck. Now I’m really considering how often this must happen to other drivers.

There must be a lot of windshield cracks out there from this same effect.

In fact, I asked my insurance broker out of curiousity if this is a regular claim.

“You wouldn’t even believe how many claims we get.”

Why hasn’t anyone acted to correct this?! Insurance companies are spending a fortune and it’s creating major headache for you and me. Not to mention the safety ramifications of flying rocks while driving.

Obviously the government cannot ban these vehicles from the highway, but surely something can be done to prevent these problems from happening in the future.

This is dangerous. I am a composed driver, but if my mother was behind the wheel when that rock his my car there would have been panic. There could have been an accident on the highway yesterday. The kind that could be avoided.

Perhaps regulating better mud flaps to deflect rogue stones. Perhaps limiting the speed of these trucks to a speed that will not catapult rocks as they drive over them.

Alternatively I could stop using the highway and take a route that takes four times longer but why should I have to drive the long and painful route?

What can we do to fix this problem?

* It came to my attention yesterday that front-loaders, which are always driving along the shoulder of the highway, may not be driving legally (someone told me a vehicle must be able to reach the speed limit to be allowed to use that roadway. Not sure how best to verify this) and that they have to be loaded on a flat-bed truck to be carried on the highway. Consequently when these tractors are givin’er on the shoulder of the road, they are pushing loose stones out on to the highway.

Gregory Rants Dump trucks, Outer Ring Road, Tractors

Google has been quick to learn that people either check their email frequently or leave it open all day. So why create a separate website for each application they build when they can make it accessible in people’s email.

And that’s what they did when they developed a phone calling application.

From the convenience of Gmail you an can click a link located in your Chat dialog that will open the dialer to the right.

The rates a cheap but calls within North America are free until the end of 2010.

I tested this out. It ain’t bad.

Unless I get a bill for $0.20. Haha.

Gregory Business, The Web Google, Phone

Creating GregPike.ca has been a trying and melancholic experience for me. When Columbia Pictures heard my story, they promptly dropped The Social Network story about Mark Zuckerberg and drafted a new story about me.

Here is the trailer for the upcoming movie about GregPike.ca

Written and Produced by GregPike.ca

Shot, Directed, and Edited by Phil Hogan

Starring…
Greg Pike.ca as GregPike.ca
Nicole Kieley
Ashley Kieley
Kevin Noseworthy
Phil Hogan
Mark Denine
Christopher “Grubbie” Penney
Mark “Magic Man” Webber as JT
Nerissa James

Also featuring…
Jennifer Dawson
Megan Murphy
Vanessa Linehan
The smokers at Gushue Hall

And special thanks to Denine for throwing an impromptu party for a couple quick shots.

Gregory Comedy, GregPike.ca, Videos Ashley Kieley, Christopher Penney, Greg Pike, Jennifer Dawson, Kevin Noseworthy, Mark Denine, Mark Webber, Mark Zuckerberg, Megan Murphy, Nerissa James, Nicole Kieley, Phil Hogan, The Social Network

The recent surge in 3-D movies has had somewhat of a polarizing effect on movie-goers. Many think it is the next step in the movie-watching experience and feel that every movie should (and will be) 3-D. Others find it annoying and view it a nothing more an a gimmicky fad that will peak then quickly die off…..kind of the same way 3-D movies did back in the late 70s/early 80s. 3D is a fine enough fixture for SOME movies, provided it plays up that angle with the audience. Otherwise why the heck would it need to be in 3D? Piranha seems to have been made people that feel the same way, as this is a movie 100% made for 3D fans.

Piranha isn’t so much a movie as it is a piece 3D entertainment. It’s heavily reliant on the constant bombardment of various things flying out of the screen at the viewer. But here’s the problem: It wasn’t in 3D. Not really. While the screen was blurry without the glasses on and clear as a bell with them, the vast majority of the time the full 3D effect wasn’t there. Things flew towards the screen, but rarely ‘out of’ the screen. Several scenes passed, with shots clearly intended to capitalize on the 3D effect, with no result. If it hadn’t been for the 6 or 7 actual 3D imagines that somehow sneaked into the movie I would have assumed a defective pair of glasses or some newly developed eye condition were to blame. It was so confusing that I had to confirm with other people in the theater after the movie was over, all of whom agreed things that seemed intended to be 3D simply weren’t.

Regardless of the reasoning, Piranha 3D certainly suffers with the 3D removed. The movie is so heavily focused on the 3D-based gags of having stuff fly out of the screen or zip right by the viewers face that there isn’t really much effort put into the story…or the dialogue….or the acting. So when that element of the movie is removed it all basically falls apart. Its a movie centered around a fun gimmick, which is fine and the basic attraction to the movie to begin with, but without that crutch it really isn’t even watchable.

The acting doesn’t keep the movie afloat either, no pun intended…okay, maybe  a little intended. Jerry O’Connell does a pretty good job as the cocky idiot character, which is right in his wheel-house, and even manages to pull a few laughs out of a scrip that was clearly (and probably rightfully so) focused more on the ‘gag’ side of things as opposed to actual dialogue. Elizabeth Shue does a decent job and Ving Rhames adequately plays the one character he plays in every movie he’s in.  Adam Scott ( probably best known as the arrogant brother of Will Ferrell in Step Brothers) actually comes across as someone that could be a decent addition in an action movie, doing a nice job with the very limited role he’s given. After this however, the acting quality really drops off.

The young ‘lead’ character of  Jake Forester is played by Steven R. McQueen, who has about as much charm and charisma as a glass of milk. Skim milk at that.  The object of Jake’s affection , Kelly, is played by Jessica Szohr, who is equally bad. From here the remaining cast is filled out by a model turn-actor, a porn-star, and 2 horrible child actors. There are some pretty cool cameos in movie, but again, without the distracting influence of that longed-for 3D effect, these cameos just serve as reminds of what actual actors are like in movies.

It is totally unfair to judge a movie like Piranha 3D viewed in anything but 3D. It is not a movie that is simply cooler with it, but rather totally and completely depended upon and tailor made for it.  And the movie certainly appeared as though it would have been extremely fun had that 3rd dimension in viewing been there. A lot of fun. But whether it is due to a failure in the production of the movie or some type of malfunction with the projectors of the theater the movie’s 3D capabilities were seriously flawed, leaving Piranha as little more than a bad, but not horrible movie that goes a bit over the top with the surplus of gore and nudity ( yeah, who would have thought that was actually even possible?).

4.5 out of 10

(with potential to be a 7 out of 10 if viewed properly)

Andy Porter

Andy Movie Reviews 3D, Piranha